Falling in love again…

Falling in love.. Seperti sebuah sensasi emosi yang hangat dan menakjubkan. Hal ini sudah beberapa kali aku rasakan, tapi kenapa kali ini terasa berbeda.

Falling in love yang aku rasakan kali adalah cinta yang tidak menuntut apa pun, aku hanya ingin memberi dan memberi. Falling in love, karena ingin menjalin sesuatu yang lebih serius, sesuatu yang lebih bermakna daripada  sebuah emosi, sesuatu yang berkomitmen.

Untuk hal ini aku hanya menanyakan pada Tuhan, apakah pilihanku tepat? aku kerap berpikir apakah sudah saatnya aku berpikir dewasa dan membaktikan diri pada sesuatu yang namanya membina suatu keluarga. Apakah cintaku ini tidak bertepuk sebelah tangan? dan apakah makna cinta sebenarnya yang harus aku miliki, agar cinta itu tetap kekal sepanjang hidup.

Well, masih menunggu kepastian dari-Nya. Tapi suatu hal yang pasti aku akan sebaik mungkin memberi cinta yang tulus menurut pengertianku, pengertian yang sedikit banyak aku dapatkan dari pengetahuanku. Pengetahuan yang aku dapat juga dari-Nya, dan masih berusaha untuk melakukannya.

Aku harap ada titik terang yang pasti. Aku tidak berharap akan kesempurnaan, tetapi rasa yang semakin dalam dari waktu ke waktu ketika membina hubungan dengannya. Apa pun itu bentuknya, aku yakin pasti Tuhan menunjukkannya padaku.

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This is the part of my life that I really wanna share to everybody, just to show that you’re not alone in any difficult situation. I wrote this one year ago, and time is running so fast. I could only smile when I realize I could survive from this life so far… Yeah, another thing that I must appreciate and grateful to God.

Bandung, January 7th, 2009

This is my second day since I left my job. Back to Bandung and back to town full of beauty and memories. I never imagine that I’ve been changed so fast in one year lately. Yes, I’ve been changed and I believe Jesus changed me. There’s so many story about my life as so many feeling get involved in it. However, I really thanks about all the life that God gave to me. Everything is like sweet memories if I remember this time.

Day by day, I walk with faith. This situation is very different one year ago. I was walking cross the road without thinking anything except hopeless. I lost my love and that was very hurt. Nothing can compare with his love in my life, even it God’s love. I was so fool and blind of love. I thought there’s true love in this world and I could have it from the human being. Fortunately, I still had knowledge about heaven and hell so that I re-thinking a hundred times to over my life just with cross the road. It’s funny when I’m thinking right now, but for that time, it seriously came to my brain. Finally, I decide to move on, I was afraid on death that could lead me to the hell.

The days after that, I called miracles. As my decided to make a brand new life in my whole life, God ran to me, He understand that i need help. There’s so many condition that lead me to the Holy Spirit existence. It was begin with my planning to go to Ancol. Why? One day, I was plan to go to Gondola’s Ancol on the Sunday morning and would be back at the afternoon on the same day so I was thinking that i couldn’t go to church that day. In turn, i went to the church on Saturday night. I went to the church that took one hour journey from my living. I found a small church opened in the Serang town that night , then I walk in and I found there’s a large room inside.  I thought it was a common church where everyone just sat, sing, pray, and then go home. But, it different , there was deep praise to the Lord and powerful worships. Honestly, i had experienced with some church like this, and i called that “too fanatic”. I just want appreciated the church so I enjoyed it. After ceremony, there was someone came to me and asked me if i would join the community religious meeting (komsel) at home near my living place. I’m very pleasant with that invitation coz i really thought that i need spiritual refresher like that. Lately i know, God already gave me a desire to seek Him.

The night before I decided went to komsel was a horrible time of my life. I was confused about my brain which always thinking about my gone lover. I decided to call him back and begged for so many times to give me another changes. And I finally knew that he already had another girlfriend. I was hurt for the second times, I still didn’t believe that he thrown away our four year relationship. Anyway, that situation gave me a strong reason to attend the komsel on the following day.

Well, this is what I’m thinking after i went back from the komsel :  I ashamed to God because I’m not the only one who had some serious problem, i was thingking that my life was very meaningful for so many reason, I really need to recognized who is my God, and I was really think that I need community to make me strong.  It was the beginning and i really connected with my friends there with the Jesus’ love.  And I really grateful for that.

Finally I have truly best friends in my life. Life has given to me several reasons to make friend with everybody especially need for acceptance to be exist in the circumstances. And that’s why I always want to be look good in front of my friend, just because I want they saw me and accepted me. I had not had a long term relationship with my best friend or if I had it that was not good relationship. So, I’m very grateful right now if I had a true best friend who could understand you on everything including your spiritual need. I found very different sensation on it, and there’s a desire to us to keep relationship even we are not seeing each other anymore. It’s another gift from God, and makes a passion in me to make a lot of best friend in God.